Some of the best advice I’ve ever received was, “What they think is none of your business,” and though I’m sure I’ve heard it several times, it really sank in as I sat in the sun on top of Clingman’s Dome last summer worrying about what the tourists thought of a group of prayerful folks gathered for ceremony.
These words have been healing, but they’ve also been permission to *stop* trying to please everyone before they even request something. Whenever I find myself trying to predict someone’s reaction to my doing or not doing something, I can stop, breathe, step back and detach.
These words have been great for when things come up with my family. My step-mother thinks that what other people think *is* our business, because she believes their thoughts can affect us. While I don’t disagree with her–other people’s thoughts and intentions absolutely can and do affect us– I also think that in most of our day-to-day lives, it is actions based on thoughts that affect us, not the thoughts themselves.
These words have also served in other ways.
Last week I spent some time with friends in a rented apartment in Glastonbury, England. Normally I would be washing every dish, worrying about their food and whether or not they had what they wanted. There is now a new normal. I took care of my needs, washed my dishes, made sure I had what I wanted, and it was wonderful.
You see, this drive to take care of each other is co-dependence parading as caring. It is a socially acceptable way to insert ourselves into situations and places that are none of our business. In a houseful of mostly grown women it could be seen as nosey or demeaning even. Have you ever had someone try to do everything for you and felt stifled or overwhelmed or like you just want to do it yourself? I have. I don’t like it.
Now I’m bringing this idea to bear in my home with regard to meals and boundaries and gardening and beekeeping and wherever else it needs to come into play.
As of now I resign from the roll of volunteer caretaker of everyone. My family no longer needs that. Most of my kids are grown and the youngest is a very competent 16.
>I resign from the position of sole food prep person.
>I resign from trying to please my husband with the food I prepare, while hating it myself and eating things that are not consistent with the best health of my body.
>I will not try and save his, or their, feelings around this, but will feel my own awareness of what my needs are, my thoughts are, and how my body is reacting to any given situation. And I will caretake myself in any way needed in those moments.
This is growth work and I am grateful for it.
Do you feel concerned with what others think? How have you managed to disconnect from this cultural training?
There is a lot of us-vs-them mentality going on now. There are those who believe we should have and continue to have the right to keep and bear arms. There are those who believe that times have changed, that too much violence is happening, that too many innocents are dying.
I have news. There is no ‘us’ and there is no ‘them’. We are all one. We are all the I AM presence of Divinity. We are the living, breathing, manifestations of the Creator of All.
If you can step away from the feed, from the news you are fed, and look at your co-workers and your neighbors, the people you see at the convenience store and those you see at the football game and those who you see at church and think about how many of them might be ‘pro’ or ‘con’, how does that make you think differently about them? Does it make you think differently at all?
What if those people are the truth and all of the information we are being fed is bullshit?
What if illegal immigrants are humans, hungry and poor, needing safety and sanctuary? Yes, like the old woman who does the floors at the office building you work at or visit. Like the gardener who lives in a trailer with 15 of his closest kin.
What if that conservative Christian, denim wearing family next door–the ones who bring you bread on Easter and cookies at Christmas–are simply kind people with beliefs a bit different than yours?
What if the woman who thinks guns need to be confiscated is your child’s kindergarten teacher and sends home Dixie cups with seedlings in them and pasted together popsicle stick art that has been carefully wrapped and taped to keep it safe until it is safely arrived at home?
What if the fellow who brings you a venison roast every year, who always has some wild blueberry jam to go with his delicious, shot last weekend, roast duck that’s always on the table at the company’s fall picnic, whose adorable, brown-eyed boy lisps just like your oldest child used to, also has an AK in his gun safe because he is afraid of what might happen to his family if he doesn’t?
There is no us. There is no them. We are one. Feel that. Sit with that for a moment. Love is the only way through the wall that hate has built. Love.
We. Are. One.
It’s International Women’s Day.
It’s easy to say thank you to women like Oprah and Maya Angelou, Malala Yousafzai and Vandana Shiva, Gloria Steinham and Audra Lord, because they have led the way in such public, mainstream ways. I am thankful for these women and so many more who, like them, have taken the stage to lead the way toward equality for all women.
Today, however, I want to say thank you to the Working Women, Stay at Home Moms, to the Coffee Shop Baristas, and the gals who work at the makeup counters and who work in gardens, to all of the women who live their lives without much recognition and very little in the way of thank yous. *Thank You*.
Thank you to the Magdalenes and Priestesses. Especially you, for changing the vibration of yourselves and through yourselves, the World. We are like the bees, carrying our hum and our nectar back to the hive, adding our vibration to the whole, adding our sweetness…every single one of us is changing the world in an intentional and important way.
For the Shield Maidens, all of the girls and young women who are looking at themselves in the mirror and who are able, at least sometimes, to see beyond the bullshit the world tells them to look for and to see who *they really are*, young women of brilliance, young women of importance, who have a message and a strength to bring to our world beyond the belittling than can get the best of them living the daily lives of girls and young women. I hold you and know that you remember who you are.
Today, ladies, we are to be recognized and lauded. All of us. Today we will not step out of the way on the sidewalk. Today we hold our ground with pride and direct eye-contact. Today we know that being a woman is something to be proud of. May this be every day.
*This is copied from a FB post I wrote. Someone mentioned how they had enjoyed it and I thought it best to hang onto it.
It takes a lot to get my dander up these days, but folks? It’s up.
Someone was telling me about a teenaged, sexually active woman who is young enough to still live at home with her parents. She has asked for birth control and it has been flatly denied. She also says she has been told that if she becomes pregnant, no matter how the pregnancy happens, that she will have the baby–her parents will force this. Even if she is raped. This is what her parents, who supposedly love this kid, have told her.
This all sounds so Medieval. I thought we were past the days when parents give their kids no guidance, no instruction, no ways of handing their budding sexuality other than to tell the boys, ‘go get it!’ and the girls, ‘keep your damned legs closed.’ Apparently we are not past that. I just live in a bubble.
Who this girl is, even whether or not she actually exists as anything (anyone!) more than an idea, doesn’t matter. What matters is that grown up people are still this stupid and they are causing dire harm to their daughters.
- Our world teaches girls that it is their job to please men. Don’t believe me? Try googling ‘how to please a man’, you’ll get plenty of hits. But there’s so much more to it than folks sharing sex tips online.
- Advertising is geared toward teaching women that looking good is important. Who are we looking good for? We might say we are trying to look good for ourselves but really? It’s bullshit. Women try to look good for other people, for approval, for recognition, to be noticed and lauded. Personally, when I dress for myself I wear sweatpants, a soft top, and probably a scrunchy with my hair balled up in it. Going out and dressing well for it is all about blending in, gaining approval, maybe garnering a compliment. In this particular instance, I’m not unusual.
- Girls are taught not to touch themselves, that their vulvas are gross, weird looking, smelly (scented douche! scented suppositories!) If they listen to what they’re told, they then never try touching themselves. Can you see where this is going? What does a woman who has never been allowed to explore her own sexuality alone know about her own body, needs, desires, when she’s intimate with a partner? Not much. She knows to look pretty; smell like chemical flowers; please the partner.
- There is, apparently, still a culture of denying access to birth control for young, sexually active women. THIS IS LIKE SETTING THEM UP TO BE TEEN MOTHERS. What the everloving fuck are these parents thinking of? No matter how hard you close your eyes, your daughter is still off in the woods humping her boyfriend. Maybe I should call it making love with her boyfriend? Actually that is probably what they feel they are doing. They are two young people, in love, doing what young people in love have been doing since, well, since *people*! And closing your eyes and stuffing your fingers in your ears and pretending she’s still your widdle baby pwincess might be fun for you but it’s bullshit and parents? Honestly, it’s time for YOU to grow up and help your daughter. Not by beating her, or calling her a slut, or threatening to shoot her boyfriend but by realizing Widdle Pwincess is a grown ass woman in a lot of ways now and she’s going to provide you with a grandchild real soon if you don’t get off the proverbial pot.
Now, that part is finished. If you’re a teen girl and looking for resources you can access without parental permission: ask your school nurse, if you feel safe doing so; if not, contact your city or county’s Pubic Heath Department; Planned Parenthood is also an option.
If you’re a teen girl who I know and you need help finding resources, feel free to reach out to me privately and I will give you any and all of the information I can find. If you’re afraid; if you just need someone to talk to; if you need a ride to the clinic; anything at all, reach out. If you’re threatening to harm yourself or someone else, I do have to let your parents know. If you want to be responsible about birth control, I do not.
I”m providing links here for locals and for anyone in the wider US.
Planned Parenthood’s main, national page with a searchable database of locations.
Family Planning Services
Family Planning services include health assessments, physical examinations, education, laboratory tests and birth control methods. Family Planning Clinics are by appointment only! Call (757) 382-8687 to make an appointment:
- Wednesday mornings
- Tuesday and Thursday afternoon
Depo-Provera and Family Planning Supplies (Birth Control) are available for pick-up:
- Monday Afternoons & Thursday Mornings by appointment only
Norfolk, Va Public Health (less user friendly that Chesapeake’s, but the info is there.)
Answer a few questions and Bedsider will show you resources near you.
Shield Maidens? When your friends need help with this stuff? SHIELD WALL!
Sage, copal, palo santo, and so many more things are beautiful tools to have in our lives. They smell good, the smoke can help to clear some energies, but better than that, they are excellent for anchoring, or holding, a vibration once a clearing has been done.
A Space Clearing, done with dowsing, intention, and from the place of neutral mind, or non-judgment, can definitely do wonders for a home, office, or other place of business. Once the clearing is completed, using smudge weekly, or even daily, can help you to keep the space clear and clean.
If you’re curious about the Illuminated Priestess Path but want more information before contacting me, please enjoy this Free online offering! The Illuminated Priestess Path Free Preview can be found by clicking here. It should only take you a couple of hours to complete.
The Preview includes information–text and a short video– on each of the Seven Themes, a short, opening meditation and a closing meditation that will, I hope, fully activate your Illuminated Priestess archetype.
Obviously this is only an amuse bouche for the actual process but it will definitely give a taste of who I am, what my personality might be like and how the process is put together.
If you are a woman who is doing her spiritual work, who is ready to move into your own powerful, Divine Feminine Presence in the New Earth, then this process is for you. If you aren’t ready to change, if you would prefer to check out rather than to check in, this is not for you.
My next circle begins on January 12th, 2018 at Four Oaks Sanctuary in Chesapeake, VA.
Blessings on You, ~Be~