When Your Parents Suck
It takes a lot to get my dander up these days, but folks? It’s up.
Someone was telling me about a teenaged, sexually active woman who is young enough to still live at home with her parents. She has asked for birth control and it has been flatly denied. She also says she has been told that if she becomes pregnant, no matter how the pregnancy happens, that she will have the baby–her parents will force this. Even if she is raped. This is what her parents, who supposedly love this kid, have told her.
This all sounds so Medieval. I thought we were past the days when parents give their kids no guidance, no instruction, no ways of handing their budding sexuality other than to tell the boys, ‘go get it!’ and the girls, ‘keep your damned legs closed.’ Apparently we are not past that. I just live in a bubble.
Who this girl is, even whether or not she actually exists as anything (anyone!) more than an idea, doesn’t matter. What matters is that grown up people are still this stupid and they are causing dire harm to their daughters.
- Our world teaches girls that it is their job to please men. Don’t believe me? Try googling ‘how to please a man’, you’ll get plenty of hits. But there’s so much more to it than folks sharing sex tips online.
- Advertising is geared toward teaching women that looking good is important. Who are we looking good for? We might say we are trying to look good for ourselves but really? It’s bullshit. Women try to look good for other people, for approval, for recognition, to be noticed and lauded. Personally, when I dress for myself I wear sweatpants, a soft top, and probably a scrunchy with my hair balled up in it. Going out and dressing well for it is all about blending in, gaining approval, maybe garnering a compliment. In this particular instance, I’m not unusual.
- Girls are taught not to touch themselves, that their vulvas are gross, weird looking, smelly (scented douche! scented suppositories!) If they listen to what they’re told, they then never try touching themselves. Can you see where this is going? What does a woman who has never been allowed to explore her own sexuality alone know about her own body, needs, desires, when she’s intimate with a partner? Not much. She knows to look pretty; smell like chemical flowers; please the partner.
- There is, apparently, still a culture of denying access to birth control for young, sexually active women. THIS IS LIKE SETTING THEM UP TO BE TEEN MOTHERS. What the everloving fuck are these parents thinking of? No matter how hard you close your eyes, your daughter is still off in the woods humping her boyfriend. Maybe I should call it making love with her boyfriend? Actually that is probably what they feel they are doing. They are two young people, in love, doing what young people in love have been doing since, well, since *people*! And closing your eyes and stuffing your fingers in your ears and pretending she’s still your widdle baby pwincess might be fun for you but it’s bullshit and parents? Honestly, it’s time for YOU to grow up and help your daughter. Not by beating her, or calling her a slut, or threatening to shoot her boyfriend but by realizing Widdle Pwincess is a grown ass woman in a lot of ways now and she’s going to provide you with a grandchild real soon if you don’t get off the proverbial pot.
Now, that part is finished. If you’re a teen girl and looking for resources you can access without parental permission: ask your school nurse, if you feel safe doing so; if not, contact your city or county’s Pubic Heath Department; Planned Parenthood is also an option.
If you’re a teen girl who I know and you need help finding resources, feel free to reach out to me privately and I will give you any and all of the information I can find. If you’re afraid; if you just need someone to talk to; if you need a ride to the clinic; anything at all, reach out. If you’re threatening to harm yourself or someone else, I do have to let your parents know. If you want to be responsible about birth control, I do not.
I”m providing links here for locals and for anyone in the wider US.
Planned Parenthood’s main, national page with a searchable database of locations.
Family Planning Services
Family Planning services include health assessments, physical examinations, education, laboratory tests and birth control methods. Family Planning Clinics are by appointment only! Call (757) 382-8687 to make an appointment:
- Wednesday mornings
- Tuesday and Thursday afternoon
Depo-Provera and Family Planning Supplies (Birth Control) are available for pick-up:
- Monday Afternoons & Thursday Mornings by appointment only
Norfolk, Va Public Health (less user friendly that Chesapeake’s, but the info is there.)
Answer a few questions and Bedsider will show you resources near you.
Shield Maidens? When your friends need help with this stuff? SHIELD WALL!