90 Days

fullsizeoutput_97dToday is the 90th day of #shift2love90. I made it, posting almost every day and twice on the makeup days.

When I started this, I didn’t realize that today, day 90, would also be Inauguration Day. That today my husband would be gone, not only for the day but for the weekend. That the entire World was going to shift in some extremely powerful ways as I wrapped up this little experiment.

It’s a big day.

The goal of this ordeal, yes it was an ordeal at times, was to say something kind about my husband every day in order to shift my way of seeing him, to create a more loving, kind, rosy filter through which to view him.

Did it work?

I don’t know. I suppose I won’t know for a while. What I do know is that the posts seemed to create a big ego space for him. That I resent that while he agreed to do this with me, he only actually posted about once every 5 days. That he came to me repeatedly telling me he couldn’t think of anything nice to say about me.

Is it any wonder that 2 or 3 of my posts were more passive-aggressive than kind? Hah.

What I did learn is that I can stick with a thing, even if  I don’t like it. As if changing all of those diapers weren’t enough to prove that already. There were days when Mark and I were deeply embroiled in conflict. I posted something kind anyway. There were days when he was a grumpy old asshat. I posted something kind anyway. There were entire weeks when I hadn’t heard an actual word from him (he did text sometimes) and I posted something kind anyway.

So maybe the point was more about proving something to myself. Perhaps the real learning was that I can always refocus, see things through a different lens, that I can get past my own ego and see the humanity in any person or situation.

For today, that’s good enough. It was interesting and it is done.

90/90 He stuck with it until the end. #shift2love90

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