Making Room for Growth

A long time ago I learned that in order to let new things into your life, you must let the old, unused and unserviceable things go. This is true of stuff, as in if you want a new truck but are currently hoarding old, broken down truck carcasses, you probably want to call the junk yard. As soon as those old skeletons are hauled off (and you have a little extra cash in your pocket), that new truck is likely to rolling right down the road. It’s just how things work. Clinging to things is just one manifestation of famine consciousness and the more stuff you have, the less you can attract.

This is true of relationships, too. It can be sad to allow friendships to fade away, especially those that have been deep and intense, but there are times when you need to.

Really? You may ask. My answer is, yes. Really.

Look at the relationships you have in your life and ask yourself a few questions. Here are a couple that help me:

How does this relationship serve me? Yes, ME, not the world, not the greater good, not the other person but me;

Am I giving more than I get in this relationship? This isn’t about helping a friend in crisis through a hard time. This is about overall reciprocity. Do you care-take for this person all of the time? Do you call and check in and make sure you’re available for midnight, uplifting chats and drinks when they’re down and other support as needed while the person you are in relationship with never even asks you how you’re doing? All healthy friendships have ups and downs but for many women *receiving* is extremely difficult. For those of us who have been taught, and deeply internalized, the story that our needs don’t matter and that the needs of others are always more important than our own, it is important that we look at that and move it into the light, where we can change it and honor our own needs and expectations.

When there is conflict, can I trust this person to respectfully engage in dialogue with me about our conflict? It is never healthy to brush conflict under the rug when you are in constant contact with someone. These things that we hide away do not heal with time. They manifest in anxiety, anger and irritation. We run out of patience with ‘inexplicable’ rapidity. When this happens it is time to look under the rug. Careful, those things under there tend to grow!

I’m not a therapist or psychiatrist, just a mom and woman and friend. I have suffered loss many times. What I find is that in the midst of mourning the relationships that end, new ones come springing forth with gusto and old friendships reestablish. In letting go, we actually become magnetic. True story.

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